How to Find the Right Therapist: Signs of a Good Fit & What to Do If It’s Not Working
Therapy Should Feel Right. But What If It Doesn’t?
Starting therapy is a big step, whether you're trying it for the first time or giving it another shot after a less-than-great experience. Maybe you’ve sat across from a therapist before and thought, This isn’t helping. Maybe you felt unheard, misunderstood, or like you were just another name on their schedule.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. The right therapist for someone else might not be the right one for you, and that’s okay.
In this post we’ll walk through:
What makes a great therapist
Different therapy styles and why they matter
How to tell if a therapist is (or isn’t) a good fit
What to do if you’re not vibing with your current therapist
Where to find someone who truly gets you
By the end, you’ll feel confident in choosing a therapist who feels like the right fit—because you deserve that.
What Makes a Good Therapist? Key Qualities to Look For
Not all therapists are created equal. A good therapist isn’t just someone with a degree and a couch, they’re someone who makes you feel safe, heard, and supported while also helping you grow.
Signs of a great therapist:
✔️ They actively listen and engage in conversation, asking questions to help you go deeper.
✔️ You feel emotionally safe to share without fear of judgment.
✔️ They validate your experiences and emotions.
✔️ They collaborate and challenge you in a way that feels productive, not harsh.
✔️ They’re trained in and experienced with your specific concerns (e.g., trauma, anxiety, relationships).
✔️ You leave sessions feeling like you gained insight, even when the work is hard.
A good therapist doesn’t just nod along and “mmhmm” you. If you feel like they genuinely understand your pain and are guiding you toward insight and healing, that’s a great sign.
Red Flags to Watch For:
❌ They dismiss or minimize your feelings.
❌ They talk about themselves more than they listen.
❌ They push their own agenda instead of focusing on your goals.
❌ You feel uncomfortable or judged in their presence.
❌ You consistently leave feeling worse, not better—without a sense of direction or support.
Important Note: Therapy isn’t always comfortable. If you’re processing trauma or working through deep emotional wounds, some sessions may feel hard, you might even feel worse before you feel better. But there’s a difference between productive discomfort and feeling lost, invalidated, or like you’re treading water. A good therapist will help you navigate painful emotions with care and give you tools to process them in a way that ultimately leads to healing.
If you walk out of therapy feeling judged, dismissed, or unheard, that’s a red flag. A therapist should make you feel safe enough to explore hard things, not like you’re being lectured.
Different Therapy Styles & Why They Matter
Not only do therapists have different personalities, but they also use different therapy approaches and that can affect how your sessions feel.
For example:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – Structured, goal-oriented, and focused on identifying and changing negative thought patterns.
Psychodynamic Therapy – Explores the unconscious, deep-seated emotions, and past experiences to uncover patterns.
Somatic Therapy – Focuses on the mind-body connection and uses a variety of techniques to help address and process issues through the body.
Trauma Focused Therapy – Can be incorporated with any of the above modalities and focuses on processing the after effects of traumatic experiences, while promoting resilience and growth.
Why this matters:
If you prefer direct guidance, you might struggle with a therapist who simply listens and reflects without offering much feedback. If you want to process deep emotional wounds, a CBT-heavy therapist focused on surface-level thoughts may not be the best fit.
Before choosing a therapist, consider what kind of help you’re looking for and don’t be afraid to ask them questions about how they like to work with clients or what a typical session looks like. This can make all the difference in finding the right match.
How Can You Tell If a Therapist Is (or Isn’t) a Good Fit for You?
Even if a therapist is experienced and well-reviewed, they still might not be the right fit for you—and that’s okay. Knowing some of the signs to look for in a good or bad therapist can help guide you in how to know if therapy is working.
Signs a Therapist Is a Good Fit:
✔️ You feel safe enough to open up (even if it’s hard).
✔️ They seem genuinely invested in your well-being.
✔️ You feel challenged in a way that encourages growth.
✔️ You leave sessions with things to think about or work on.
✔️ If you don’t know what to talk about, they help you find the path.
Important Note: You don’t have to come into therapy with a perfectly structured agenda or know exactly what to say. A good therapist will help guide the conversation, notice patterns, and support you in discovering what’s most important to explore.
Signs They Aren’t the Right Fit:
❌ You feel unheard, dismissed, or talked over.
❌ Their personality or communication style makes you uncomfortable.
❌ You don’t feel like you’re making progress, even after a few months.
❌ You’re dreading therapy instead of looking forward to it.
Not clicking with your therapist doesn’t mean therapy won’t work for you—it just means you need to find the right person.
A good therapist
makes you feel safe, heard, and supported, while also helping you grow.
Finding the Right Therapist: It’s Like Dating
Finding a therapist is a lot like dating. You don’t just commit to the first person you meet. It’s normal to have a few consultation calls or even try out different therapists before settling on one. Since a large part of the success of therapy is based on finding the right fit this might be the most important part of the process!
Where to Start Your Search:
Online Directories: Websites like Psychology Today, TherapyDen, or Inclusive Therapists let you filter by location, specialty, and approach.
Word of Mouth: If you’re comfortable, ask friends or family for recommendations.
Check Their Credentials & Approach: Read their bio—do they specialize in what you’re looking for?
Book a Consultation Call: Most therapists offer free 15-minute calls to see if you’re a good match.
Pro Tip: Don’t feel guilty about “breaking up” with a therapist who isn’t the right fit. It’s YOUR mental health and your comfort matters.
What to Do If Your Therapist Isn’t the Right Fit
If you’re feeling like your therapist isn’t helping, don’t suffer through it. You have options.
If it’s not working, talk about it. A good therapist will welcome feedback and adjust their approach. As therapists we’re in the business of communicating openly about issues and we want to hear from you if something feels like it isn’t working or you want to try something different. If a therapist responds poorly to you bringing something like this up then it might not be a good match. And if it ever truly doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to move on.
You can say something like:
“I appreciate the work we’ve done, but I don’t feel like this is the best fit for me. I’d like to explore other options.”
Therapy should feel like a partnership. If it’s not working, you deserve better.
Therapy Should Feel Like a Safe Place to Grow!
Healing takes time, and finding the right therapist is part of that process. You don’t have to have all the answers, just a willingness to start. The right therapist will help you find the way forward.
When you’ve got the right therapist it really feels as though you’ve found an ally who is on your side and wants the best for you. But it’s also important to trust yourself as the expert and not leave it all in their hands to tell you what’s best. A therapist may have a lot of education and fancy letters after their name, but you are the expert on you! Trust yourself and your gut instinct to know what feels right and what feels off.
